I was at an exposed summit camp in a new tent I'd just received gratis from a foreign company needing publicity. As it was the first time I'd taken the tent from its bag (unboxings are so much cooler at site), I hadn't much of a clue about how to pitch it, but that didn't stop me from blaming the tent when it shredded under the impact of the forecasted hoolie. "This is not meant to happen to a bomber tent" wailed I to the four winds, but to no avail as any suitable audience had sensibly avoided going out, and nobody had invented YouTube yet.
Nobody had invented PLBs either, so hypothermia was quick to claim me. As my spirit soared ever upward, Heavenly Voices manifested: "What shall we do with this idiot?" asked the first ministering angel. "Hell is too good for him" replied the Holy One, "He is to be reincarnated as one who must perpetually trudge up the same old Derbyshire hillside with a tent, then another tent, then yet another tent, ad infinitum, each time babbling incoherent camping nonsense which he will share with many thousands, earning him the status of National Joke..."