Does Bear poo in the woods

Discussion in 'Hiking Chat' started by PhilHo, Dec 21, 2020.

  1. PhilHo

    PhilHo Thru Hiker

    Not sure where I saw mention of this last night, it may have been a question on a quiz show. Bear Grylls list several methods of going for a poo in the wild. Oddly he uses "number one" to do a number 2. :) My knees are getting very creaky these days and I need to review my "method" What's your favourite?

    I'm thinking off using my poles and adopt the downhill ski position to give the old knees a bit of help.

    Here are Bear's proclaimed favourites. Not sure I'm up for the date methods, you'd need to be very friendly.

    “Number one is the ‘lean to’ (he holds onto a tree trunk and squats), but you can, of course, go for the ‘free solo’ (squats unaided).
    “My favourite is the ‘kung-fu method’ (he squats on one leg with the other outstretched). It has dangers with the back of the boot. Then you have the ‘first date’ which is when you’re with someone and you go back to back linking arms.

    “The ‘second date’ is when you know each other better (Bear and Cara face each other, hold hands and squat).”
    turkeyphant, Lempo and Rmr like this.
  2. simplerandomwalk

    simplerandomwalk Trail Blazer

    Find a log/rock to sit on and hang your butt "over" them?
  3. Baldy

    Baldy Thru Hiker

    Take Immodium
    Wait til you get back to your 4* hotel
    turkeyphant, JKM, Lempo and 2 others like this.
  4. Taz38

    Taz38 Thru Hiker

    A while back I found the perfect fallen tree trunk...then 2 walkers (coming out of nowhere) decided to stop and stare (from a distance) o_O
    :asshat::D

    My method:
    Due to dodgy hip (much better now) a few years ago I learnt how to do these things standing up with slightly bent knees. You don't really need to squat (imho) unless you don't want to be seen, or are constipated (I guess).
    No accidents yet. The fact I eat lots of muesli on the trail helps do this quickly.
  5. Lempo

    Lempo Thru Hiker

    Here's some options from Second Chance, with SFW demos.

  6. NEEpps

    NEEpps Section Hiker

    Not surprised he craps with someone else. Heard he cannot even wipe his own ar@@
  7. Lempo

    Lempo Thru Hiker

    :hilarious:
  8. Lucille Vamoose

    Lucille Vamoose Summit Camper

    The poor guy, he surely knows it will not be expected of him, having risked going so far up on the well tramelled road? Also, in order to return, he must prepare himself to bear the consequences of knocking his lights out, and weigh up the attendant risks of baring all: moon on a stick?
  9. kvragu

    kvragu Trail Blazer

    I'll try to curb my enthusiasm but I love squatting for poops. I wish Europe adopted the Asian squat toilets. There's something very facilitating about the full squat, and there's much less to clean up afterwards since everything is so spread out. I imagine it's superior from a maintenance perspective.

    Indoors, regular toilets make so little sense. When I was touring and using public and cafe toilets, hovering over the seat probably exerted enough calories for about half an hour of riding. The rare sight of a squatting toilet was just blissful.

    Can't say I envy you lot for your wonky knees.
    tom, edh and Mole like this.
  10. Lempo

    Lempo Thru Hiker

    I wish the name of this thread was

    (How) Does Bear Poop in the Woods?
  11. Baldy

    Baldy Thru Hiker

    Can anyone help get a video from my phone to here? I’ve got a cracker :D
  12. Lempo

    Lempo Thru Hiker

  13. MikeinDorset

    MikeinDorset Ultralighter

    Well, this wasn't the thread I thought it was going to be.
  14. DuneElliot

    DuneElliot Section Hiker

  15. DuneElliot

    DuneElliot Section Hiker

    Oh, and being either American (or European) bears poop in the woods. No bear will poo in the woods...it's just uncivilized (and too British)
  16. edh

    edh Thru Hiker

    It's actually uncivilised my colonial couzin :D
    el manana likes this.
  17. PhilHo

    PhilHo Thru Hiker

    I was just being a bit more juvenile-polite than I would be in normal conversation at the bar :)
  18. Cranston

    Cranston Thru Hiker

    Pooh poohing?
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2020
    Rmr likes this.
  19. Teepee

    Teepee Thru Hiker

    Does Bear eat poo in the woods?..
    Was that the question? :biggrin:



    The guys who set up this little gem of a survival scenario must have been paraletic with laughter behind the camera.:roflmao:
    Tartanferret, Lempo and edh like this.
  20. Lempo

    Lempo Thru Hiker

    :hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:


    Bear Poo Bear?
  21. tom

    tom Thru Hiker

    He doesn't :biggrin: - thankfully its all shot in a study or in front of a blue screen and we needn't worry about wilderness preservation ;)
    cathyjc, PhilHo and Lempo like this.

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